I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
