Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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