I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
