I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
