Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
