Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
