she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
