how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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