OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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