you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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