I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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