check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
