Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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