just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
