Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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