thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Terrible idea I love it
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
