While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
