Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
