it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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