I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
