my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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