I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
