All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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