I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i believe in u and ur pee
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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