i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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