Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You're like the curious george of whores
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
