i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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