hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
