So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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