I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
