is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
