I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
