I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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