she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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