i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
