a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
