My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
