She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
