Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
