you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
