My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
