If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
