Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
too bad you live with your parents still
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
