I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
