you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Congratulations! We have a period
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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