I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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