At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize