Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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