I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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