I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
