Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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