thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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