So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he fucked my hip out of place.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
