I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
