I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Randomize
