Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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