Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
dude. I can hear the air.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize