So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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