We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
