Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize