In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
