he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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