We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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