I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
