I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
