already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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