I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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