I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
