I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
