Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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