I think im going to throw up on grandma
love makes seman taste better
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My dad just said "fuck circus"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
