You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
