how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
